


He remembers nothing

by Anonymous



Series: Things of the Past [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Hurt!Brock, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Sexual Coercion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:01:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6616747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's kind of hilarious, that out of all the cold blooded killing and sabotage that Brock Rumlow has done, they choose to accuse him of the one thing that never crossed his mind.</p><p>James "Bucky" Barnes, aka the Winter Soldier, aka the Asset, remembers a lot. He doesn't remember everything. </p><p>But Brock does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He remembers nothing

**Author's Note:**

> No comfort for Brock. None at all. Also, his sense of humour is a little fucked up.
> 
> EDIT TO ADD: NOW WITH PODFIC: [Podfic by loot1991](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7492875)

It's kind of hilarious, that out of all the cold blooded killing and sabotage Brock Rumlow has done, they choose to accuse him of the one thing that never crossed his mind.

 

It's so ridiculous that he just stares at the Spangled man himself for a minute, unable to comprehend what he's hearing.

 

"What?"

 

"How many times did you rape him?" Rogers asks again, mouth pressed into a line so thin that Brock thinks it might just disappear.

 

_Rape._

The word's pretty ugly on its own.

 

It feels uglier still when they sling it at him.

 

Rumlow tilts his head back, grin curling the sides of his mouth up. He's on the verge of laughing hysterically. He hides his smile behind his cuffed hands for a moment, then looks at Captain America.

 

"How much does he remember?"

 

It's not a yes, it's not a no, but Captain America takes it as a confirmation.

 

"You sick, bastard!"

 

Brock takes the punch with good grace, spits out a gob of blood mixed with saliva, then looks up again.

 

"How much does he remember?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

James "Bucky" Barnes, aka the Winter Soldier, aka the Asset, remembers a lot. But he doesn't remember everything.

 

For instance, he remembers the last time they had sex. He remembers walking into a conference room where Brock was only in a shirt. He remembers being guided to a chair, being told "you did well" over and over again while Brock rode him.

 

But Bucky doesn't remember being the Asset just ten minutes prior, giving Brock a dark smile. He doesn't remember pressing Brock up against the wall on the way to debrief, whispering filthy promises into his ear, telling Brock that he better be 'prepped and ready or else'; doesn't remember the bruises he left on Brock's hips, doesn't remember round two where he flips Brock over and slams into him repeatedly until Brock almost bites through his own lip trying to stay quiet.

 

Bucky remembers lying down on the bed, reaching out for Brock, placing tender kisses across Brock's shoulders and collar bones. He remembers the way Brock wraps his lips around his cock, sucks him in sweetly and smiles up at him.

 

He doesn't remember the Winter Soldier taking a fistful of hair and pulling so hard that Brock loses patches of hair. He doesn't remember slamming Brock face first into the floor and shouting because Brock didn't take him deep enough. He doesn't remember pinning Brock to the bed, relentlessly using his mouth until Brock's lightheaded from the lack of air.

 

He doesn't remember the chipped tooth, the concussion, the broken nose, the massive shiner, or the lost voice.

 

Bucky remembers waiting in a room, turning around only to see Brock Rumlow's angry expression. He remembers heated words, shouted denials. He remembers abstractly, someone begging and pleading, someone saying 'no', someone crying, sobbing softly. He remembers a hard slap and harsh words like 'shut up, whore' and 'stop crying, or else'.  He remembers the pain that went with it. He remembers blood.

 

He doesn't remember that it was a botched mission that put him in pain, put him in a bad mood. He doesn't remember taking it out on the young Brock Rumlow, who looks so pretty bound on his knees. He doesn't remember laughing as he breaks the young recruit, ignoring his pleas and going in with only saliva. He doesn't remember that the red stains only existed on the insides of Brock's thighs.

 

Bucky doesn't remember everything.

 

But Brock does.

 

Brock remembers protesting. Why him? Why was he picked? But for no other reason than 'The Asset said so', he had to present himself to the deadliest killer in their operation and offer himself up. He remembers being disciplined by his commanding officer, then again by Alexander Pierce, then finally 'instructed' by the Asset himself.

 

Brock remembers dreading each time the Asset is woken because the Soldier only ever wants him for some strange reason. Brock remembers learning how to finger himself open quickly with only saliva or the barest minimal amount of lube. He remembers buying plugs to keep himself loose and ready when the Asset was out and about,  because sometimes, he only has a two second warning before he's hauled into the cell and pressed onto the mattress.

 

He used to have a note book, a list of things the Asset wanted each time he chose Brock as a plaything. Over time, Brock had learned that there were things that the Asset always liked, no matter how much he remembered, or forgot.

 

Bucky doesn't remember enough.

 

But Brock does.

 

Brock doesn't need to try that hard, he's got the evidence written into his skin. He's got the three inch scar across his abs, the day that the Asset had been impatient and Brock had been a little too slow. He's got three perfect imprints of teeth, two on the insides of his thighs and one on his right shoulder. He's got a line of Cyrillic carved across the small of his back when the Asset decided to mark up his plaything a little. He's got at least thirty circular tazer-like marks littered across his body in various places, because the scientists decided to give the Soldier an inbuilt stun function. He's got the patchy skin across his upper arms and around his wrists where the Soldier had tied him up for a week-long reward.

 

Brock remembers finding a loophole: They send the best on further missions. The further away he is from base, the less likely he is to be chosen by the Asset. He joined Hydra to escape the foster system and Mr. Piebald's wandering hands in gym. Now he's killing ruthlessly, mowing down anyone who stands in his way because if he's the best, they can't keep him on base as a plaything.

 

It backfires spectacularly. Brock remembers getting promoted. He's got a head for tactics, they say, good with firearms, excellent tracker, amazing when it comes to hand to hand. They promote him to team leader, give him a team. Then they tell him he's a handler. The Asset's handler.

 

He remembers thinking that he ranks higher now, he should be exempt from being chosen, but he's not. He gets back from a mission, thinking that he's free now, but instead gets shoved into the cell and taken dry because he hadn't prepped.

 

When Owen Myers enters their team, Brock remembers making a note of how the Asset looked at their youngest member. Owen Myers still believed in Hydra's goals, believed that Brock was an infallible leader, believed that everything would go well if he was a good soldier. Owen Meyers also looked a lot like a younger Brock.

 

Brock remembers shoulder checking the Asset, standing tall in front of his subordinates and saying 'Eyes front, Asset'. The Asset had given him an amused look over the mask, daring him to say more. The Asset didn't care. He'd defer to Brock on the field, but the moment they were back in a Hydra facility, the tables would be turned.

 

Brock remembers paying for his cheek later, screaming muffled by the boxers stuffed in his mouth while 20 000 volts of electricity coursed through his body.

 

Each successful mission leads to 24 hours spent rewarding the Asset. Each botched mission leads to 24 hours of punishment from Pierce, and another 24 from the Asset. Guess which kind of mission Brock tries to run, the first two guess don't count.

 

Brock remembers smashing his comm unit in the confusion of a fire fight in India, thinking that he's got enough experience and skills to disappear. He remembers the sick terror and fear as he slid down the fire escape of the warehouse. He remembers the way the moonlight glinted off the water when he hid in the boathouse, the loss of his appetite because he was too anxious, the relief when he reached the border two weeks later, then the overwhelming horror when the Asset had pressed a gun to the back of his head.

 

No one needs to know the details of his punishment, but suffice to say, Brock never tries it again.

 

Oddly it's actually easier to go along with it. It’s much easier to greet the Asset naked, instead of waiting to be picked since the Asset never picked anyone else. It's too easy to drop to his knees and offer himself up, tell himself better him than his team. It's definitely easier to straddle the man and pretend he enjoys it just as much as the Asset did. And if anyone hears him say "You did well" and "Good boy", he could pretend those were meant for the Asset.

 

Brocks takes 'Fake it til you Make it' to the next level, and pretends he's fine.

 

Bucky doesn't remember _anything._

 

And Brock does.

 

 

 

 

 

They accuse him of rape again. Bucky says, Bucky says, Bucky says. It's surreal, Brock thinks, that they have no clue.

 

Or maybe they do, and they're trying to pin this on him so that James 'Bucky' Barnes can be a proper war hero with POW stories and brainwashing.

 

Brock wonders if Bucky still likes to pull hair hard enough to yank out pieces of scalp. He wonders if Bucky still likes to shove his metal fingers into Brock's mouth and gag him. He wonders if the no screaming, no crying, no begging rule still applies.

 

When Captain America and the Black Widow fail to get a response from Brock, they leave the room and bring in the Asset himself as well. Brock can't help but just stare. His tormentor is guilt free, absolved of his crimes simply because he doesn't remember anything.

 

How nice it would be, if Brock could also wipe his own memories. He was only thirty two, and being touched scared him more than anything else. He had been unwillingly monogamous to the Fist of Hydra for a decade. It was hilarious.

 

Brock snorts before he can stop himself.

 

"You find this funny?" Captain America demands.

 

Brock snorts again.

 

"Given all the times he," Brock searches his memory for the words he always hears from Pierce's lips "получить награду, yeah I think -"

 

He doesn't get to finish his sentence because he's face against the wall, hard body pressed against his, the Asset hissing Russian in his ear, shouting going on everywhere.

 

Brock probably should do something but he's been long since conditioned to give in when it comes to the Asset, so he stays quiet and docile. It doesn't stop the Asset from pressing his metal fingers into Brock's nape and activating the stun function.

 

20 000 volts was bad enough once, the Asset does it twice in quick succession, and then a third for laughs. The man's laughing as Brock's convulsing. There's a lot of shouting going on. The Asset leaves Brock alone long enough to throw punches at the Black Widow and Captain America. Brock's pretty sure his heart stopped a couple of times, he's trying to breathe but it's not coming in properly. He's vaguely aware of the Black Widow going down in a moment of inattention. Captain America gets thrown out of the room and then locked out when the Asset smashes the electronic lock.

 

Brock's helpless but it's okay because he can remember the list perfectly well.

 

He opens his mouth even before the Asset presses fingers to it. Brock laps and sucks as best as he can, getting them wet and sloppy. Brock's standard issue prisoner shirt and pants don't last two seconds against the Winter Soldier. One leg gets hiked up around the Asset's waist, the other is hooked artlessly onto the Asset's shoulders. Brock stuffs his fist into his mouth when he's penetrated dry.

 

He's backhanded twice, then the metal hand is curled around his throat, crushing it. Brock wheezes, chokes. His eyes water. He blinks them away because 'no crying' is still a thing. He rolls his hips, draws a satisfied groan from the Winter Soldier. The fingers loosen enough for him to take a breath, then tighten up again. The other hand's tugging on his hair again. Brock feels teeth sink into the soft flesh of his shoulder. He feels skin give way. There's dampness everywhere, blood on his temples, on his shoulder, between his legs. He's cuffed, he's injured, and just before he passes out, he remembers that there has _never_ been an escape.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brock wakes up clean.

 

Which is kind of a new thing because usually the Asset just dumps him in a corner until he comes to, then lets him find medical himself.

 

But Brock's clean and lying in a bed and there are _bandages_ ahahaha why are there bandages and okay maybe he's high on painkillers.

 

He sits up gingerly, grabs the water beside his bed and downs it. Swallowing is a chore, but it's nothing he's not used to, since the Asset likes choking him. Brock savours the water, puts back the glass, then inspects his shoulder. A peek under the pristine white bandages show that he's got matching sets of bite prints on his shoulders. He berates himself. Stupid. Of course they match, they're from the same person.

 

"We figured."

 

Brock looks up so fast that his neck cricks. It's Captain America and Falcon. He looks at them, bewildered because how the hell did they read his mind?

 

"You said it out loud."

 

Ah.

 

Brock dials the morphine tab all the way down to zero. Order through pain, he reminds himself. This isn't very orderly of him, hence he needs the pain.

 

Falcon - Sam - looks uncomfortable.

 

Actually both of them do.

 

"What?" Brock asks.

 

"We're sorry for before."

 

"What?" Brock does not get it.

 

"We accused you of -"

 

"Oh that." Brock starts laughing again "It's kinda funny don't you think?" He chortles even though it hurts his throat to do so "Of all the shit things I've done, all the people I framed, tortured and killed, you fixated on the one thing I didn't do!"

 

He's chuckling because to him, it really is funny. And it's even funnier that even after Hydra collapsed and the Winter Soldier disappeared, Brock ends up in the one place he thought might have been sort of safe, and the _exact same thing_ happens again.

 

The new dental imprint in his skin is a good reminder.

 

There's not a place far enough that he can run.

 

His mirth dies away as he wearily lifts his head to look at the Captain again.

 

_"How much does he remember?"_

**Author's Note:**

> There might be a sequel depending on how much interest this garners. Let me know what you think: [ficwriter103 @ Tumblr](http://ficwriter103.tumblr.com)


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